...is futile! (Couldn't resist!)
One of things that I've thought about before is the personalisation of captions. As previously mentioned, I'm a big fan of Rachel's Haven, and I have captioned a number of people over there (and have many more to caption, as they're all sooo patient with my delayed returns/thank-you caps!)
As in that scenario I am specifically captioning for someone else, I try to slip as many details from their preferences into the caption as possible. The easiest part of this is getting their 'before' and 'after' names into the story. It often gets a little more complex with listed 'protagonist' names etc, and I often fear I am miscasting their imagined characters (awaits beret-wearing director's tirade about verisimilitude and motivation), but no complaints so far.
This brings me to this site, however. I have an audience (I hope!) (I was going to jokingly say 'Hi Mum' there, but the squick factor was too much!), but not necessarily anyone specific as my target for the caption! In light of that, I fancied a go at a 'neutral' caption, and it wouldn't be the first time I've intentionally left details about character out intentionally.
You can't please all the people all the time, but as a Brit I expect everyone to politely clap anyway.